Social Skills
Helping a Child Learn About Non-Verbal Communication
Like all things topsy turvy in this strange new world we’re learning to live in, learning to learn, itself, has been turned upside down.
As occupational therapists working with children, we talk a lot about and address challenges common for children with sensory processing disorder – or the difficulty in dealing with sensory overload. Now, with parents, teachers, caregivers and peers all wearing masks, suddenly the problem is a lack of enough sensory input, in this case, visual input, making it difficult for young children developing early social skills, to understand feelings and expectations being communicated to them.
Our whole body is responsible for non-verbal communication, with verbal communication only accounting for 10%-30% overall. For young children or children with neuro-developmental differences, interacting with others in masks can be challenging – but our smile or frown, or anything in between, only accounts for a small amount of our non-verbal communications.
Now is a good time to encourage and guide your child to become a “social detective”, looking for whole body language (non-verbal) cues that hold the clues to ideas, thoughts, feelings, attitude and state of mind being communicated, much of which is produced subconsciously. While eyes opened wide or brows furrowed are pretty obvious indicators of feelings, many children have difficulty with the intimacy of sustained eye contact. The “social detective” will need to pay closer attention to a person’s posture, movements, and arm placement (crossed or open, for example), for bigger and easier indicators to use when determining friendship and attention.
To support a child’s critical early social development during this time of masks and social distancing, parents might try role playing with their children, pointing out different body postures and positions, and discussing what information those positions might be relaying. Practicing guessing how family members are feeling at home with and without masks can help with feelings of anxiety when venturing out of the house. Using favorite TV shows or YouTube characters can be helpful as well! Pause the show, cover up the character’s face on the screen and see if the posture of the character matches the emotion they are feeling. A few non-verbal check-ins a day will help grow your child’s awareness and understanding of non-verbal communication, and how to connect to those communications and the people sending them.
Preparing for Back to School with Social Emotional Brain Building
How the many aspects of social emotional brain building affect a child’s academic success.
When a parent thinks about “back to school”, thoughts probably turn to new backpacks, notebooks and sneakers. Academic questions likely come to mind too. After all, isn’t that mainly what school is all about? Well, yes, mainly. But a child’s back to school tool box needs to have social emotional skills too, as the ability to perceive, adapt, attend and self-regulate is key to effective learning and social integration. And let’s not forget about executive function, mindfulness and self-awareness. Let’s take a closer look at each of these to make sure you can check them off your child’s back-to-school “to do” list.
Social Brain Building
Much can and should be said about social brain building, and we’ve written much on the topic. But for the sake of this article, we’ll keep it short. In a nutshell, social brain building is the development of a child’s social emotional health, critical for interactions with others.
This developmental process is not always inherent, and relies upon efficient self-regulation, sensory motor processing, executive function, two-way communication, (verbal and non-verbal), and the capacity to stay connected, in order to develop problem solving skills and a sense of “self” in relationships. The integration of all these processing systems enables a child to think of others, taking into consideration their thoughts, emotions and intentions, and react in an expected manner to build attachments rooted in joyful, trusting relationships.
Communication
We navigate our world and our social relationships through language. Effective use of oral communication with peers sets the stage for positive self-esteem, and enables a child to advocate on his own behalf.
Receiving and processing non-verbal social communication cues requires a child to “think with their eyes”. By visually assessing a given situation they can determine what others might be thinking, how others are feeling, and what might be expected of them upon entering that situation or environment.
Speech Development Checklist
Executive Function
The ability to think as a “we” and follow directions, listen, attend, modify behavior and anticipate change, is the foundation of executive functioning. Executive function is a set of processes, or neurologically-based skills, that all have to do with managing oneself (mental control and self-regulation) and one’s resources in order to achieve a goal. A solid foundation of executive function skills is imperative to all learning.
Mindfulness and Self-Awareness
We hear a lot about “mindfulness” these days, but perhaps you’ve never heard of the body’s 8th sense. Interoception is a sensory system that gives us whole body awareness from the inside out. Receptors for interoception are widely spread throughout the body’s organs and give us a huge variety of sensations including but not limited to hunger, physical exertion, nausea, and the need to go to the bathroom. Interoception is deeply connected to our emotions and self-regulation. When a person is aware of their internal state they will either consciously or unconsciously take steps to self-soothe. That entire process from sensory perception, to awareness to self-soothing, all together is called self-regulation. Our desire is for our children to be regulated in order for them to successfully build meaningful relationships with others.
Self-regulation
Self-regulation refers to the ability to manage your reactions to your emotional and physical feelings and the environment around you, and begins with the ability to identify and validate those feelings. The ability to self-regulate is closely tied to one’s awareness of their internal state via the interoceptive sensory system as well as efficient management of input from all 8 sensory systems.
Sensory Processing
Self-regulation depends largely on a child’s capacity to turn the volume up and down on incoming sensory information from all 8 sensory systems. Effective sensory processing directly affects a child’s ability to attain and maintain the “just right” state of regulation necessary for the classroom and peer interactions.
So as you might have surmised, the system of social emotional skills is complex and highly interconnected. It is also vitally important to a child’s academic success, and really to all of life’s successes.
Have a look at these areas of development as part of your preparation for the upcoming school year. If you have concerns regarding your child’s proficiency in any of the areas discussed above, a consultation with an early childhood development specialist might be recommended. It’s never too late to learn a new skill set, but like with anything, the sooner the better!
Social Learning Prepares Children for First and Second Grade
Your kindergartner or first grader works hard at school. Not only are there academic expectations, but your child needs to self-regulate in order to manage the various social expectations. Whether following planned group activities, transitioning from one activity to another, using spoken language to share ideas, taking turns, listening when others speak, or managing big feelings and big energy, social brain building is imperative for success.
Your child wants to belong, feel connected, solve problems, share ideas and work within a group, but it doesn’t always happen naturally. Often a child needs the “just-right” support for their individual make up, to be able to build the foundational skills of self-regulation and flexible thinking, then be able to put them into practice within a group environment.
Children who struggle with self-regulation and flexible thinking in kindergarten or first grade often enter the next grade level with anxiety or struggles with:
- Making transitions
- Managing big feelings and energy levels
- Talking out of turn or grabbing
- Negotiating and compromising
- “Plugging in” to group plans and processes
Could your child use a boost in their Social Brain Building this summer?
Child Success Center’s social learning specialist, Patty Ramsey, LMFT, has designed a 2-week summer enrichment camp that will help campers gain the social skills and confidence they need for successful relationships in first or second grade.
With a plan designed and implemented by CSC’s skilled and compassionate occupational therapists and speech and language pathologists, this summertime fun adventure will allow children to make use of their boundless imaginations and the power of play. As a team, they’ll “create” their “campsite” and problem solve camp themed scenarios, like what they would need to pack for a camping adventure, how they’d get there, what they would do once they got there, what they would take to eat and what they would see.
Campers will use their imagination to guide them on their journey –
destination unknown – of fun, adventure and team building!
Are there resources available for parent support of social brain building at home?
Social Brain Building Summer Camp will provide visuals, activities, and education on key ways for parents to help support a child’s ongoing social learning. Additionally, one parent education session, presented by Patty Ramsey, will be available for more in-depth supports.
Learn more about Social Brain Building Summer Camp
Year round Social Brain Building and Friendship Club at CSC
post updated January 28, 2020
Summer Slide and Your Child’s Social Skills
The “summer slide” can affect your child’s social skills as well as his academic skills.
You’ve probably heard of summer slide – the up to 30% loss of academic skills that many children experience over the summer school break. And, perhaps you’ve enrolled your child in summer academic enrichment programs like the SPARK Reading and Math Programs here at Child Success Center, to help keep your child’s academic skills sharp and ready for the fall school term. But you might not know that children can also experience summer slide when it comes to their social skills. Long term, this may be a more far-reaching issue that can hinder your child’s success as an adult.
A study published in 2015 explains that social skills observed in kindergarten showed significant correlation with well-being at age 25! Kindergarteners who were socially competent were more likely to graduate from high school, go to college, get a job and stay out of jail than those who exhibited a lower level of social competence.
Children tend to “grade” each other on their social competence. The child who just naturally is well endowed with social skills, makes friends easily, is outgoing and at ease around people may be rewarded with a higher level of status amongst his peers. The child that is shy or feels awkward and uncomfortable around people may get far lower “grades” from his peers that can result in a diminished sense of overall confidence and interfere with the child’s ability to attend and focus on the process of learning academics.
This can present a conundrum to parents who face school entry requirements weighing heavily on high academic achievement. Parents may opt to cut back on activities involving play and social interaction, and fill that time instead with additional academic endeavors. This scenario, coupled with the myriad digital opportunities for children to play and communicate, can create a detrimental imbalance in the development of the whole child. Fortunately, the school environment is one that not only teaches academics, but also provides various opportunities for children to learn to get along with other people, peers and leadership, and develop social skills. The feedback they get from these social interactions is vital to learning skills like how to play well with others, how to problem-solve, how to label and recognize feelings, how to be empathetic and helpful, how to control impulses, how to be a “we-thinker”, and how to use and understand verbal and non-verbal communication.
For many children, those social learning opportunities greatly diminish during the summer school break. Once out of the school environment and routine, children may spend more time alone or engaged in digital entertainment/communication, which research has shown may interfere with a child’s ability to recognize emotions in the people around them. It can become a slippery slide for a child from being a “we-thinker” to thinking in silo.
Social deficits can pose a lifelong problem, making it imperative that they be identified early and addressed, similarly to the approach that would be taken with a learning disability. Under the guidance of skilled pediatric occupational and speech/language therapists, children can learn through peer-to-peer experiences and roll playing, acquiring vital social skills in a fun, engaging, and active environment. Even those children who have exhibited social competency thus far can be greatly served by a summer program to help keep those skills sharp and prepare them with additional social skills tools that will cross over into academic learning success.
With all that modern technology has to offer, there is still nothing that can replace the gratification and lifelong effects of a successful and meaningful person-to-person encounter, and the learning that goes along with it.
Therapeutic Social Learning Options
Individual and Paired Peer Therapy Sessions
Kindergarten Enrichment Camp
This popular CSC program helps children develop confidence when taking the first steps toward reading, writing, attending to a new routine and making new friends. CSC’s huge gymnasium is turned into a fun learning camp with swings, a trampoline, a climbing wall and monkey bars to take children on an adventure while building up their kindergarten social skills.
Summer Friendship Club – Social Skills Enrichment Program
Designed for children, ages 4.5 – 11, who are having a difficult time navigating the social landscape of the classroom or group setting and/or building and maintaining friendships. The small group environment of Friendship Club works well for the child who needs a structured social environment to strengthen and master communication skills.
Friendship Club – Practice Social Skills in a Group Setting
Friendship Club groups at Child Success Center are developmentally based and designed to give children an opportunity to practice social interactions with therapeutic intervention and coaching.
For some children, friendships are difficult to make- and even harder to maintain. Friendship Club groups are developmentally based and designed to give children an opportunity to practice successful social interactions with therapeutic staff intervention and coaching. Friendship Club uses positive reinforcement to help children stay motivated to join a group plan, be flexible with their ideas, and stick with social situations that are challenging. Once a child has practice with positive social interactions, their confidence builds. Children are able to join groups easier, transition to and from activities, share their feelings effectively, and problem solve with their friends in order to create meaningful and long lasting friendships. We use the Social Thinking® (Attributed to Michelle Garcia Winner as creator of the Social Thinking Methodology) curriculum to support social skills concepts, role play, engage in group games, and use art projects to facilitate social interaction. We use unstructured play in order to create scenarios similar to those children encounter at school, parties, and play dates in order to socially coach children through big feelings and conflicts.
The goal of Friendship Club is for children to increase their confidence and positive behavior skills to generalize to the home and school setting. Rome was not built in a day, and the same goes for children’s social skills. In this social skills based program, children benefit from being given the opportunity to practice effective communication in a supportive environment. Educating the adults in the child’s life, and using the same social vocabulary in group, at home, and at school helps generalize the desired behavior changes and social interactions. Friendship Club members are physically active and challenged in a sensory gym environment, while being given a social skills curriculum that addresses both social needs and behaviors that may impede successful peer relationships.
It is the job of childhood to learn how to play and interact successfully. Friendship Club uses external motivation, a token economy system, to grow and learn positive social skills. Members “earn” Friendship Tokens they can use to “shop” in our prize bin at the end of each session. Over time, the need for external motivation decreases as the new habits increase and social reciprocity is achieved.
Summer is an excellent time to help foster the social growth of your child, especially for those moving from a pre-school to Kindergarten, or from Kindergarten to First Grade. The Child Success Center offers Friendship Club on weekends through the summer to help children and families stay on track with their social learning.
Learn more about Summer Learning Academy and Friendship Club on our website.
This program, including its teacher or leader, is not affiliated with, nor has it been reviewed, approved, or endorsed by Michelle Garcia Winner and Think Social Publishing, Inc.
How Can My Child Learn Social Skills?
Social brain building to become a “we thinker”, a successful group participant and a friend, is one of the hardest jobs of childhood.
Weather your child is 4, 10 or 15, being a competent social learner does not always happen intuitively. Learning social skills will require that your child is able to attend to a lot of data and decide what are the most important pieces of information, and use emotion, language and motor skills to respond in an appropriate manner within a relationship. A child can acquire those tools when he/she is given the opportunity to experience interactions with others that result in positive and negative outcomes, and is supported throughout the learning process. These learning opportunities can be facilitated by informed, knowledgeable and compassionate mentors, including parents, teachers and therapists. They can bridge the gap for the child and help him build the “scaffold” needed to move to higher learning.
It is often confusing when we see a child, of any age, struggling. We often think first about the psychology behind the child’s temperament and behavior – does it stem from environment, living situation, relationships? In reality, learning to be a social being and be socially competent is really based on a highly complicated neurological process – a process that is automatic for most and creates stress and struggle for some.
Social learning relies heavily on foundations in development that have been put in place to regulate how the brain perceives and processes incoming sensory information, and how it then organizes and delivers an output that is expected and connected, resulting in a positive social outcome. The Social Thinking® (Attributed to Michelle Garcia Winner as creator of the Social Thinking Methodology)Social Competency Model, shown here, uses an iceberg as an analogy. The visible part of an iceberg and what we see above the water, represents the things we can see people do, such as their social skills and behaviors. Yet the entire iceberg is much bigger than that, having a large foundation that goes far and wide into the depth of the sea, correlating to the knowledge, experience and development we hold – the collective information we draw upon and use to interpret and respond to social information that we experience.
As parents, we unknowingly assume our child inherently owns the skills to be a social thinker and adapt collaboratively in any environment. We think that our child’s social learning will just happen on its own.
The fact is that up to 20% of children will struggle with the jobs of childhood due to underlying processing challenges stemming from brain development. They may or may not have functional development and or learning challenges that lead to a diagnosis of speech and language disorder, sensory integration dysfunction, ADD, autism etc. These children are at risk for social challenges often due to their individual processing challenges. Finding a team of professionals, (Occupational Therapist, Speech Therapist, child psychologist) who can identify why your child struggles is the first step to creating a plan on how to build their base of social development.
Red flags that your child might be struggling to build friendships and to develop social skills:
- Prefers to play alone and does not play interactively with other children
- Difficultly understanding how to gain attention appropriately
- Difficulty initiating interactions
- Difficulty staying on topic during conversations
- Difficulty making relevant comments during conversations
- Difficulty following game rules
What types of therapy help a child develop social skills?
During a child’s time as a pre-schooler, an Occupational Therapist can determine if sensory and/or sensory motor processing challenges exist. The OT can also determine if a child is having difficulty with self-regulation, joint attention and intention for a shared play experience. A Speech Therapist can work with a child with language processing issues, and a “peer to peer” or “social brain building” group can be facilitated by both OT’s and ST’s to teach concepts such as collaborative play, cooperation and negotiation.
In elementary school, a Speech Therapist can determine a child’s level of receptive and expressive language, auditory processing abilities, and his use of social-pragmatic language. If language processing and sensory/sensory motor integration issues have been ruled out, small groups facilitated by a psychologist, are helpful in honing a child’s emotional and attention regulation skills.
At Child Success Center, once a therapist has made an assessment and determined the root of a child’s social struggles, then a recommendation is made for the “right fit” therapy.
Options include:
- Individual Occupational Therapy and/or Speech Therapy: One child working with one therapist as part of OT session or collaborative session with ST, with opportunity for peer to peer play experiences in our sensory motor gym to build foundational social skills.
- Paired Peer Speech and Language Sessions: 2 children who have been matched for optimal outcome success, working with a Speech and Language Pathologist.
- Friendship Club: Small group of 4-6 children matched for group skill building needs utilizing social thinking and supporting inside out social emotional development- Led by psychologist.
Ultimately, we want our children to be able to relate to other people’s feelings and to experience a sense of belonging in their classrooms, homes and community. With a solid foundation of social skills, any child can be the key to his own success.
Learn more about Social Learning Programs, peer-to-peer play, and Friendship Club at Child Success Center
This program, including its teacher or leader, is not affiliated with, nor has it been reviewed, approved, or endorsed by Michelle Garcia Winner and Think Social Publishing, Inc.
